The Overly Analytical Mind of a Perkigoth

What I Learned Today

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 21:58:54 GMT

1. I'm only 15% Dixie, linguistically (and with that, I heave a giant sigh of relief). I still maintain 45% Yankee! Go Me!

2. I am "somewhat normal".

3. I am "a bit dependent". Well, actually, I didn't LEARN this today...I already knew it. But still. Validation.

4. My seduction style is "natural". I think I must have been possessed by some easy-going, naturally attractive person whilst taking this quiz.

5. My mind is stuck permanently at age 25. Which is sort of disappointing, I was hoping for a much lower number. Something that would help me get in cheaper at the movies.

6. I am way too easily distracted by online quizzes. And it's all Scott's fault.

Ye could go on a Regal Rampage!

Tue, 12 Apr 2005 18:58:07 GMT

http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail128.html

Um.....yeah.

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 15:43:49 GMT

So I'm at a baseball game with two of my girlfriends. We take the obligatory group trip to the restroom. Once I emerge, I realize that they've already left. Bummer. And I have no idea how to get back to the hotel and my friends.

-Scene.-

So then we're in someone's front yard. It's dark. We spot some sort of wolf/dog thing coming toward us. Fortunately, one of my friends transforms into a wolf, and fights it to the death. Unfortunately, this one wolf/dog thing was a member of a werewolf gang that is roaming around. They show up, and we know we're in trouble. There's a little plot twist in here somewhere involving my friend being in love with the leader of the gang, but I don't really remember that part.

-Scene-

Now they're forcing us to take part in a sort of "gauntlet of death". Not that they're going to let us go, but I guess we're just prolonging the inevitable slaughter. We're led through a throng of gang members, and are forced to take part in several "tests"...first one being, I get some sort of razored claw on a chain, and have to fight a gang member. I make it through that with just a few scratches (go me). Second test is a mental one: "What was the date and time of the last birthday?" (it seemed like a real brainbuster at the time.) I answer, "Just this moment, of course!" (haha! Take that, stupid werewolf things! Tremor at the sheer power of my brain cells!) They can't believe we've made it this far. Third test: I'm facing a gang member - sitting across the table from me. He's drawing something on a piece of paper, and I'm supposed to mimic his drawing as he goes. I eke out the drawing, and the gang members are not happy. They want me to swallow a jar of pellets that will summon the demon horde (this is where I know I've been playing way too much World of Warcraft) to kill us. In a moment of pure bravery, I throw the pellets down the sink, and we run out the door, leaving the gang to deal with the horde. Outside, we meet the Drawing Guy, and he reveals that we were actually drawing designs for this really tricked-out car, and he gives us the key. We speed outta there, daylight emerges, all is well...except, I still don't know how to find my other friends from the baseball game.

Translation: I play too much WoW.

Constantine and Time Travel

Tue, 22 Feb 2005 03:26:21 GMT

My watch says that I was only in the movie theater for 2 hours, but I swear that I must have been in some sort of time warp, and actually spent 4+ hours there. OMG, that was the longest movie I've ever seen. After about an hour, I was saying to myself "wow, there seems to be lots of action in this film, and yet, I am less than intrigued!" Perhaps if I had read the graphic novels, I would have been more appreciative. As it was, I was only appreciative when the main characters started dying off, b/c I knew that meant the film HAD to be almost over.

I must admit, though, that I admire Gavin Rossdale's decision to start his acting career (!) off with a "non pretty boy" role. Took Mel Gibson a few films before he stepped into "The Man Without a Face", and even Brad Pitt did "Legends of the Fall" before he was Tyler Durden. Good for you, Gavin! And now you can go star in a movie with Lindsay Lohan, and not be taunted. Too much. Ummm...

Ouchtown

Sat, 05 Feb 2005 20:15:46 GMT

I'm in the midst of a huge headache. Not my usual, back of the skull, dull ache. This one is full-on, massive throbbing, front of the head, on top of the eyes. I tried to lie down, but that just takes it to the point of being unbearable. Sitting up seems to be better.

I've tried taking some Zomig, and that didn't do anything.

I've also tried pacing and crying, that didn't help, either.

Anyone have any suggestions?

me = the coolest.

Tue, 01 Feb 2005 00:53:05 GMT

I just returned from a UF-sponsored awards ceremony. Twas a semi-prestigious event, at which a well-known journalist was being presented with an award for a series he wrote regarding the "super sealing" of court cases within the 11th circuit court of Florida.

Anyway, I was there. And I was wearing my best suit (my only suit, really), and mingling with the scholarly types. The Dean of the College of Journalism, the Vice-Provost, the Professors Emeritus. Etc. Quite a show.

Fast forward to me, walking out to my car, and realizing that I'm feeling a draft on my leg. Well, that would be because the side pants zipper on my suit had broken, and there was a gaping hole where zipper should have been.

Yes.

I was flashing my ass-pale leg and my very elegant white cotton panties to those in attendance. The Dean of the College of Journalism, the Vice-Provost, the Professors Emeritus. Etc.

I guess I should be thankful that I wasn't one of the presenters.

"....Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to present....my ass."

The genius of the Slim Fast Brownie Bar "meal"

Tue, 12 Oct 2004 20:58:37 GMT

Mouse: ...Because you have to wonder now, how did the machines really know what brownies tasted like, huh? Maybe they got it wrong. Maybe what -I- think brownies tasted like actually tasted like, uh..oatmeal, or tuna fish. That makes you wonder about a lot of things. You take chicken for example, maybe they couldn't figure out what to make chicken taste like, which is why chicken tastes like everything. Maybe they couldn't...

Apoc : Shut up, Mouse.

Dozer : It's a single celled protein combined with synthetic aminos, vitamins, and minerals. Everything the body needs.

Mouse : It doesn't have -everything- the body needs.

....but it does give me the 200 calories that are going to propel me through my 6pm aerobics class?

amazing discoveries

Tue, 21 Sep 2004 01:30:49 GMT

Today was actually very productive for me. After work I went to first real session of the fitness program I joined. It's a program offered to employees of the hospital; you sign up for a block of time, and you can go as much as you want during the week (during your timeslot) to the PT gym. They have a physical therapist there, and there are only 10 people to a slot. So it's a pretty good deal.

Anyway, I had a great workout. Then I came home and COOKED myself a wholesome meal, had a very pleasant glass of wine, caught up on some phone visits with friends.

Here's the amazing part: after eating, I managed to get my ass off of the couch, and I did some much needed cleaning around the kitchen, and some general "neatening".

It really does always amaze me when I make myself DO something that is healthy, and I end up feeling good afterward. It's like all the articles, books, and scientific data mean nothing; I don't absorb the facts that way. I have to experience it myself. Of course, the trick is for me to keep the momentum going, because if I let go for too long, I forget again how good I'd feel if I just took care of myself.

Ah, circle of life. Well, here's to momentum.

Shuffling off...

Fri, 17 Sep 2004 00:14:53 GMT

Just got back from my first session of tap class. Now, I admit that it has been about 14 years since I lsat had any lessons (tapping to "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go", even), and I figured I might have lost some of my flexibility. But oh...my...GOD. I SUCK! hee hee. It was like I had no control over my feet, they just kind of did (or didn't do) as they pleased. Ugh.

Didn't matter, though. I still had a blast. I can't wait to go back. Tappy-tappy-tap!

...and now, onto the stuff I brought home from work. Grumble.

Tap!

Corporate Logic

Thu, 16 Sep 2004 19:14:28 GMT

Background: They didn't tell me that the two dispensing cabinets were already in place on the patient floors, so I didn't bother setting them up in the computer. Today they're wondering why the computer isn't alerting them about the meds in the cabinets. Um.....because it doesn't know to?

It's now 3:15pm, and the manager just called me to ask if I had already finished setting it all up. Um, it's like a 3 hr job, and I'm doing it now (I've been in a meeting with him all morning), and just hold your horses, and um.

Him: So when will it be done?
Me: Well, I'm working as fast as I can. I'm leaving at 3:30 for a dr. appt, so [other person] will have to finish this afternooon.
Him: I sent her home early.
Me: Okay, I guess I could....take it home with me?
Him: Great! Thanks!

GAH!

More Hot Boston Action

Sat, 21 Aug 2004 14:57:25 GMT

Last time I was here, I got stuck in a blizzard. So this time, I come mid-summer, and think I'm going to get in some good New England coolness. NOT. It's fricking hot and humid here. As a matter of fact, it's raining. UGH.

The Gods had better get with it and bring me some decent weather....or ELSE.

The party was really something. In Chestnut Hill, at John's friend's parents' house. An incredible house. Really. Like something out of Cribs. Not my style of decor though. I kept walking around, trying to figure out if there was a motif in their decor....I'm still stumped. It was just....a LOT. Very busy and ornate, and stuff everywhere. Oh...they decorated their basement like a 1950's malt shop. Complete with soda fountain, booth, tables, pinball games. Un-fricking-believable. That was the BASEMENT. When we lived in NH, our basement was just the dank, dark room where you went to do laundry and avoid a tornado. I mean, come on. They had a KITCHEN in their master suite.

The party itself was gorgeous as well. Outdoors, in the beautiful backyard. Candles everywhere. Asian theme. Um, oh. It was a martini party. There were four giant glass apothacary jars on the table; each one with a different martini. And soooo much food. And all of it delicious!! John's friend Suzanne made their cake, and it was something out of Martha Stewart Living. Really great.

I met quite a few people - unbelievably, I mingled, and introduced myself to almost everyone. Actually sat and talked to lots of different people, and made small talk like a pro. Of course, after about 2 or 2.5 hrs of that, I had maxed out, and was ready to go. John said I had to stay, that I should suffer for him. :-) So I did. The last hour was painful, with me just kind of wandering around not knowing what to do with myself. All in all, a good experience. As I told John this morning, it's the reception that I would have imagined he would have. Very "highbrow trying to be casual".

Going to post-reception brunch today with the sisters and a couple friends. More "being sociable". I go kicking and screaming all the way...but I go. Then back to Lawrence to hang with the fam.

I hope to get to the beach at some point for some boardwalk action and some fried clams. Mmmmmmm, clammy.

I'm in Boston, and you're NOT!

Fri, 20 Aug 2004 16:39:09 GMT

Well. Some of you are.

And I'm not really in Boston...yet. I'm in Lawrence, MA. Spending quality time with the family. And already reliving my childhood dramas. Good lord.

Tonight: Chestnut Hill for the wedding reception of my best friend from college, and his partner of 6 1/2 years. Wow. Gooooooo marriage!

The Mighty Drip

Sun, 15 Aug 2004 14:23:39 GMT

....I don't actually HAVE the mighty drip (so boys, you can stay in line at my front door). Last night, as some sort of fun (in dorkland), we made up a city of heroes character called "the mighy drip". He's quite a catch, ladies. And apparently, I am quite the ladies' man - as I am the person playing this character, and providing the personality. The scary thing, as I stood in the game and just put out random sexist remarks (Hey, sexy ladies! Watch these moves! Slide that thing on over here!), I actually received more than one positive response. And ended up talking to one lonely Maine housewife for at least 10 to 15 minutes. I think she's now my cyber-Sugarmama.

Questions:
Should I be nervous that I was so successful in picking up women?
Should I feel guilty for not confessing my "dirty secret" to that lady in Maine?
How angry and frustrated am I that this jerky boy actually GOT some women? What is WRONG with women???
How does this bode for my quest for a healthy hetero relationship?

From The Guys In Charge

Tue, 10 Aug 2004 14:04:27 GMT

In my e-mailbox this morning:

"We realize that showing support for your candidate of choice and party affiliation is part of the campaign process leading up to the day of election. However, asserting our personal beliefs and viewpoints to others who may not share them or feel comfortable has the potential to be disruptive in a customer-focused environment."

....Is anyone else disturbed by this?

This is a crisis.

Fri, 16 Jul 2004 23:55:40 GMT

I think I may be addicted to my vibrator.

I'm nothing if not predictable.

Sun, 09 May 2004 02:07:17 GMT

I think I'm going to develop an lj template:

Today I found out that _______ isn't interested in me, after all. After 1 date/2 dates/several exchanges of bodily fluids (choose one), he has decided that he just wants to be friends.

WTF?

The suckiest part of this one is that I found out from his friend. Not even from him.

No, no. Wait. The suckiest part is that the FRIEND seems to like me like me. ...and that I'm not attracted to him in the least (is that irony?).

No, no, no. This is the clincher. The suckiest part is that this guy is still in "the circle", so I'll be seeing him lots. Ah, to look forward to awkwardness and discomfort amongst friends.

Quite a Saturday.

It finally happened

Sat, 21 Feb 2004 18:00:00 GMT

I went out last night with a guy, "as friends", and we had a great time. No pressure to make him like me, no fear that he was going to reject me later in the evening. Just fun.

Of course, drag queens and a few lemondrop shots helped the situation. But still. It counts!

Unmentionables

Mon, 16 Feb 2004 22:19:40 GMT

A few thoughts:

1. I just bought myself a book called "Relocating to Boston". Which makes it official: I'M MOVING TO BOSTON! Oh my God. Probably the biggest decision I've made thusfar in my life, and also the scariest. But, at the same time, a step closer to my dream of having a lakeside cabin in New England. I've spent the last week or two breaking the news to people, and listening to their opinions (not surprisingly, the most common being "WHAT THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT FOR?". And now I must begin "the psyching up". I don't plan on moving for at least a year, but still. I've been in Florida for 24 years, and here in Gainesville for 10. This is big. BIG! I think I need an aspirin.

2. While in the book store, I was perusing the shelves, and I am dismayed by the large number of manga and "as seen in theaters!" type books on the shelves. Someone tell me where to find the original ideas!! On a similar note, what happened to the non-Japanese cartoons on tv? I mean, I'm not trying to be ethno-centric or anything, but when did cartoons become completely Japanese? I guess I'm finally "out of touch" with American kids, because I just don't understand. I missed that transition.

3. My living room is half-painted, and furniture is strewn about the area...it's been like this for at least two weeks. I think I'm caught in some sort of evil anti-project, anti-housework spiral. I think what I need is a good C&C Music Factory cd to get me going. Or something.

4. Did I mention that I'm going to move to Boston?

5. This Friday I will be meeting for the first time, someone I have "known" (in the online sense) for about a year. He'll be visiting University of Florida from Texas. We're going to go out on the town. I predict that we will be friends. You can be expecting an "I am sad that boys don't like me" post on Saturday.

6. Boston!

Just friends.

Sun, 08 Feb 2004 16:26:55 GMT

At least I'm making progress. This time, it took him TWO dates before he told me he was feeling it was "more like friends, not boyfriend/girlfriend" between us.

So now I'm back in familiar territory. The psychological tug-of-war, "Why aren't I good enough" vs. "There must be something better on the horizon". "WAIGE" has a tenuous lead at this point.

Looks like I'm pushing on with my original plan to GET THE HELL OUT OF MICANOPY. Now entering phase 2: "So Do It, Already!"

She's not a math person, she's a language arts person!

Sat, 08 Nov 2003 21:17:05 GMT

So my new tv arrived. Aaaaaand it doesn't fit the space in my entertainment center. Too big by almost two inches.

SIZE DOES MATTER.

Damn.

And now...all the men will be my salsa slaves.

Wed, 05 Nov 2003 02:04:15 GMT

Faced with an ultimatum, I went to my very first salsa dance class tonight. I walked into a group of people who all knew each other (I knew not one of them), I warmed up, I learned the steps, I danced with at least 5 strangers. I laughed. I danced the salsa.

I did this for exactly 45 minutes.

And then I snuck out.

Baby steps. Baby steps.

Down with Cranky Boys!

Fri, 26 Sep 2003 02:14:49 GMT

What is it with me and moody men? Or, rather, the fact that I'm drawn to moody men? Or, that I let their moods affect my mood?

Fri, 19 Sep 2003 19:13:04 GMT

I am cursed, arg!

<td bgcolor="#000000">Username</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Pirate name</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Willy</td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Distinguising Feature #1</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Mohawk</td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Distinguishing Feature #2</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Huge breasts</td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Distinguishing Feature #3</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Covered from head to foot in tattoos</td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Pirate Booty Worth</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">$217</td></tr>

Be a Pirate!! by H8machine

Created with quill18's MemeGen!

And I'll be moving...when?

Tue, 19 Aug 2003 16:00:06 GMT

Let me just clarify the main story elements here:

1. Rattlesnake
2. On my porch
3. Me
4. Also on my porch

What the hell am I doing here?

Evil Queens, Out on the Town

Mon, 18 Aug 2003 20:49:41 GMT

Ybor City, watch out. We were five sexy bitches! Started our night at the Hilton, with some wine (a lot of wine) and cheese (aw yeah, muthafuckazzz, there's no calorie counting at Girls' Night Out!). Then onto the Tampa Bay Brewing Co for some delicious food and just a little (9% alcohol) beer - I'm so into the Belgian Triple! Then back to the room to get ready.

Here are some photos of our darker sides:

http://www.fantasticalphotography.com/GNO.htm